bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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