I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
