Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
and you fell through a lawn chair
as a side note pls kill me
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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