ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
