But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i will never coherently bang her
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
