so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
