we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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