At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
