we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
