tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
