I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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