Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
