I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
