Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize