He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
