Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
