yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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