Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
