you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
