dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
