the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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