Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
