dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
