i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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