If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
