it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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