Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
