I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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