I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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