i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
