Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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