Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
its liver damage thursday
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
