chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
