Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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