so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
