YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
one two three fourrrrnication!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
