If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
