I think I died a long time ago.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
