Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
