ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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