Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
operation have a gay friend backfired
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
