If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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