Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
