i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
