who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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