i was born a porn star she said
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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