Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
