What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
