Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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