im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
one might say we're banned from that church
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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