just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
