I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
