Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
