I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
