her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
