he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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