I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
