taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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