Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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