That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
