I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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