It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
